Kleptomaniac
by Psybreon
Summary: Craig is a troublemaker. Tweek is an unlucky kleptomaniac with anxiety. Both coincidentally just happen to get sent to the same boarding school after their parents get fed up with them, and they end up being room-mates. Can Tweek stay out of trouble while he's there? Probably not, not with Craig anyways. Creek, possible pairings of Bunny and Style. Other pairings undecided.


**Swear warning!**

{-}

Craig's P.O.V.

Shit. I'd really done it this time. Right now I'm sitting in the counselor's office with my parents. Really my dad didn't give a rat's ass about what I did, and it was my mom who was concerned. He probably only came along just to see me suffer, actually. I wouldn't put it past him.

Whatever, never mind about my parents. How I got into this mess… Long story, but I got into a fight during Chemistry and, well… I sorta kinda blew up the lab. … Okay, maybe it was more than just the lab… Uh… Well, back to the present.

I'd been spacing out while they were discussing something (I had already been chewed out) more than likely to do with my punishment. Whatever it is can't be too bad, can it? What's the worst they can do, ground me? Yeah, no big deal.

How wrong I was. Maybe an hour after I'd gotten home (strangely, they hadn't punished me yet and were suspiciously quiet), they came to my room, both of them taking a seat. I eyed them warily but didn't object, considering I had already done something stupid and didn't want to push it. "Craig, we'd like to talk to you." Crap.

"The school counselor and your father and I were talking and, well… We decided that since we can't seem to do any good, we're going to send you to a boarding school for troubled kids." "You're doing what?" I scowled. I could've sworn my dad was smirking triumphantly, but when I looked again it was gone. "I'm not a 'troubled' kid!" "Sure do act like one… asshole…" I heard him mumble, and I silently glared at him while giving them both the finger, although it was more directed at him. He wordlessly returned the gesture, somehow unnoticed by my mom.

"See, this is only part of what we're talking about! You need to learn some respect and self-restraint, young man! You'll be starting next week, as we've enrolled you ahead of time, and don't even try to change our minds!"

"But-"

"No buts! We'll give you tonight and tomorrow to get packed, and we'll be driving you there the day after! It's in Colorado, so we'll still be able to visit, but the drive is still pretty long. You'll be there over the weekend to get acquainted with the other students and your room-mate." Aw shit, I have to deal with a room-mate, too? As if Ruby wasn't bad enough… "We'll leave you to get packed, so get started." They got up and left, my dad looking rather smug along the way.

I blinked, a little disbelieving of what just happened. I turned to begin packing, and one thought crossed my mind:

 _If I could say dick-ass-shitface to my parents right now, I would be so happy._

{-}

Tweek's P.O.V.

"GAH!" I was especially twitchy right now. This was at least the fifth time this had happened this year. I was always the one getting blamed for stuff the other kids did, and for whatever reason, nobody listened when I said it wasn't me. I guess everyone would rather believe it was the weird, twitchy kid than believe it was some normal one. Whatever the reason, it always led to more trouble for me. … Alright, I may have a bad reputation since I'm a diagnosed kleptomaniac with anxiety, but I'm usually able to resist most urges to steal with the medication I have to take. However, once it starts wearing off the urges start becoming strong again, and it makes me even more anxious to try and combat them, so I usually end up succumbing to them.

I fiddled with my hands, taking a drink from my coffee occasionally. I was in the counselor's office, waiting for the counselor to get back from whatever they were doing. I'm not even sure what I got blamed for this time, I was distracted worrying about when I was going to run out of coffee. Whatever it was must have been fairly bad, for them to call my parents up.

Although they couldn't come considering they were always busy running their coffee shop. They'd probably get another call later, then. The counselor apparently got back, sitting down. "Tweek, you can't just keep doing this." He sighed. "I know you've got problems you can't help, but maybe if you went somewhere with people with similar problems it'd really help. Your parents and I care about you, so we were thinking," he slides some sort of brochure to me, "Maybe it'd help you to go here." I looked at the paper, putting it down on the desk to read it since I was too shaky to hold it still. "South Park Academy," it read.

From what I could tell, it was a boarding school located in South Park, Colorado, and it was for troubled kids around my age. I wasn't sure what to think. Maybe it would help me with the problems I have. I wish I could say I would hate to leave this school and my friends behind, but… I don't have any. And… I guess it would kind of suck to leave my parents behind, but… _Hopefully I won't have to worry about Mom and Dad selling me into slavery or something while I'm gone. Jesus, what if they do? I won't know what to do, and what if the person they sell me to is secretly part of the FBI, and- "_ JESUS CHRIST!" _Okay, I should shut up now before I explode or something._

The counselor flinched at my outburst, but swiftly recovered. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for my opinion. "Ngh, this is too much pressure…" I sighed. I hope I don't regret this. "I guess… I'll- ack, try it." I was reluctant, but I guess it wouldn't hurt. Not like I'd have much I'd miss. I just hope I'll have somewhere to get coffee. My eye twitches just thinking about not having it.

My parents had been expecting that conversation, so we talked it over when I got home. I began packing, bringing extra underpants just incase the underpants gnomes were especially bad there. I snuck some emergency coffee in there too, even though it was the crappy kind. We'd have to leave day after tomorrow to get there, because my parents would be too busy to drive me otherwise. I guess they were going to make me go whether I liked it or not considering they'd apparently already enrolled me.

 _I just hope that this boarding school will turn out better than how it has here. Maybe if I'm lucky, I won't be made fun of for my twitchiness or blamed for anything, and I'll actually have friends… But I probably shouldn't get my hopes up too much. It's a new beginning nonetheless, so I'll at least get a chance at those things. I'd better not mess it up._

 _I glanced up at the clock, noticing it was getting late. I should attempt to get some sleep, I can pack in the morning… Or if I really can't sleep at all, I could just keep packing._ I headed towards my bed, but then stopped. _But… What if the underpants gnomes try to steal my underwear out of the suitcase and I don't notice it and I end up accidentally going there with no underwear besides the ones I'd be wearing?_

I pulled at my hair, uttering my seemingly signature phrase: "Too… much… pressure! Gah!"

…

"… ACK! I pulled out my hair again, JESUS!"

 **{-}**

 **Well, my original author's note got deleted, so... I just wanna say I'm fairly new to the South Park fandom, so sorry if I don't get all of the references to episodes. I mean, I've seen a lot of episodes, but nowhere near all of them. I watched like... 7 yesterday. xD Anyways, enough about that. I can't remember anything else I wanted to say, so... Favorites, follows, and especially reviews are appreciates! I could use some constructive criticism, and each review encourages me to keep writing. I might do review responses too, so feel free to ask questions and stuff if you want. I could also use dialogue tips and any other tips you might think would be useful to me, since I'm pretty new to writing. Thanks in advance to anyone who does those things, and anyone who reads this fic! Also, I plan to make this fic long. Not sure how long yet, but probably pretty long.**


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